I'm in desperate need of a friend; any advice?
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I’m a seventeen year old boy (eighteen in less than two weeks), and I’m struggling to maintain my sanity. I’ve been diagnosed with ADD, OCD, and an anxiety disorder, although from what I’ve gathered there’s a good chance that I’m also suffering from mild depression. I also have a major stuttering problem – so bad that it can take me up to thirty seconds just to say what most people can say in five or six.
I’ve given up on finding friends at my school; I’m too socially awkward and have difficulty picking up on social cues that most people know instinctively (i.e. somebody will make a silly or sarcastic comment and I’ll think they’re being serious, then they have to say "it’s a joke" and I end up looking like an idiot). Instead, I resorted to making friends on online MMORPGs (mainly World of Warcraft), and I felt like it helped my self-esteem. Due to a decline in grades on report cards though, my parents have restricted ALL online games from my computer.
I don’t care about trying to hack into the server and secretly reenabling online games onto my computer, but my parents basically removed my only social outlet. My best (and mostly only) friends were online, but now I can’t even tell them why I’m not playing with them. My anxiety’s starting to pile up on me again, and I’ve been having negative thoughts, especially at night right before I go to bed. Not suicidal thoughts by any sense of the world, but I break out into tears at night for no apparent reason. I think if I just had somebody to speak with online about this, even somebody to chat with about anything, my depression would lessen.
Is there any way I can find a friend (or anybody for that matter) to chat with about…well…anything? I’d see a therapist, but my parents are the only way I can make that happen, and they haven’t been very helpful. I tried to be outright with them about how I was feeling and they just gave me a "C’mon now, your life can’t be THAT bad; deal with it like the everybody else does" look and asked me not to say such "silly nonsense." I’ve even tried to give subtle hints about how I was feeling, but they’re either ignoring them outright or they just don’t care.
Any legitimate advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for sticking with the question; I know it was long.
Maybe try getting a girlfriend, which aside from allowing you to connect in a more substantial way with society, would probably lead to more social interactions, which are what you should be focusing on, so that you don’t drift further into isolation. In terms of not understanding social cues, I had this problem from a very early age, without the natural ability to understand why people would say one thing and do another. This natural deficit in reading people is very much curable. You can learn social skills just like any other skill; which I was able to do mainly through an academic approach. Books on body language may provide you with great incite into what other people are really trying to communicate, especially since most communication is non-verbal. If you end up going to college, I would also recommend some psychology classes, and I don’t know how bad your stuttering is, but for me, speech classes helped a lot, and allowed me to overcome a lot of my anxiety. (For stuttering, keep in mind that the more time you have to formulate your thoughts in a conversation, the better your response will be. It can take Stephen Hawking 30 minutes to express a few sentences, but quality wins over quantity every time.)
In terms of dealing with that anxiety, there are multiple approaches, and while one method worked better for me, it may not for you. I would recommend that you don’t let anxiety hold you back from anything. Try not to care what people think. (I know it can be difficult at first, but eventually it’s something that everyone has to learn.) Don’t give in to those desires to run away from anxiety-producing stimuli, as that will only create a trend. Embrace that unease and meet it head on. You should try to systematically do things that are progressively more and more uncomfortable, to ultimately lessen that discomfort. (I know that sounds difficult, and it is, but all that’s required is that you consistently get out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to like it, but you should do it, or things may only get worse for you, since avoidance is never the answer. Things have a way of coming back at you.) There are coping methods which can help you to deal with the anxiety. Look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), and even if you don’t get into therapy itself, look into it’s concepts, which you can institute on a personal level. Do the research, as most information on google is free.
With your parents, blissful ignorance and dismissal is more common that you might think. They might have good intentions, but their image of you will always be biased in a favorable light (for most parents, not for abusive parents), since this allows them to also feel better about themselves, as they can know that they raised you well. You can keep trying to be honest and open, but they’ll never see your subtle hints; not unless they’ve majored in psychology. You can keep telling them that something’s not right, and that you want to go to a psychiatrist, but any possibility of that would depend on health insurance coverage, and if you don’t have a good plan, then that’s not really an option, which doesn’t matter as much as you might think, since everyone can take the necessary steps to change their own life, even without external assistance. Do as much research as you can, since the more incite you have, the better off you are. There is no instantaneous cure, and everything worth while takes time, but the sooner you move in the right direct, the better things will go for you. The only wrong thing to do is to do nothing.
I went through serious depression the majority of my life. I’m thankful that I never acted on any negative thoughts. I fantasized about it constantly, and I came close, but you eventually reach a point where either you do it or you don’t, and then you get on with your life. Accept the things that you can’t change, and change what you can for the better.
well you should just start talking to people at school and asking then to be your friend!!! and if you really dont have anyone to talk to i would be happy to listen! my email is cheylovesyou@ymail.com…………….
Find a friend.
Your parents obviously care about you. You are their son. They took you to doctors to figure out a diagnosis for you. All that really matters is staying focused. You must be getting ready to go to college soon. You will meet so many adult friends that will accept you in any way shape or form. That is all that really matters. Also, address your feelings to your parents in a letter. It will get the attention that you crave so deeply. I know- I am a parent. Good luck.
Well first of all, I’m sorry this is happening near your eighteenth.
Happy early birthday, by the way.
Just try talking to people at your school, new ones. Maybe in your same level a bit.
& Its okay you dont pick up on social cues, like myself, I never know when someone is being sarcastic Those friends are your friends, try getting closer to them.
Your parents should be supportive about this issue, if not then you might want to see a school councilor ( they are free plus they "have to " listen to you). I have had depression for a long time. Almost wanted to tell my mom off for it, because she was so thick-headed and couldn’t understand what I was going through. I couldn’t tell if you had studying problems ( I do). You might want to look into good studying habits, doing chores or something of that nature ( it helps me). If you did good on a test or 2 then your parents might let you back on, I hope that you feel better about this issue and remember that not everyone on Yahoo Answers want to help you so take everything that you read at face value and try not to get discouraged from bad answers.